winding down

As the summer winds to a close, and fall is creeping around the corner I feel myself overwhelmed with so many conflicting emotions. The summer we longed for during the winter months is slowly waning and making way for cooler breezes and beautifully crisp evenings. On one hand, as I dropped Anna off at her last day of Summer Camp this morning, I felt twinges of sadness that this season is passing. On the other, I look forward to the structure and activities that lie ahead.

After a summer of making our own activities - many trips to the beach, to the zoo, to parks, long walks, playdates with friends and neighbors - I am ready for some structure. This week we began planning our fall calendar, signing up for "school" (a 2-hr ECFE class that Anna and I will enjoy), signing up for "gym" which Steve will enjoy with Anna, signing up for an Art Class and Mom's Day Away. I am excited for these new activities, and the structure that our days will begin to take. For this Type-A personality, a few summer months of flying by the seat of our pants has been great - but it's time to get back to "normal".

I also have found my emotions rising and falling as Anna's 2nd birthday approaches. She is becoming more sophisticated each day - in her vocab, her actions, her play, everything. It is so enjoyable to watch and yet I feel that time is going by so quickly and before I know it she will be on a bus to kindergarten. In a few short months I will already need to sign her up for preschool for the following year. Wasn't she just an infant?

Earlier this week I sneezed at the breakfast table and Anna turned her head to me with concerned eyes and said "Bless you mommy". Oh Anna, I exclaimed, thank you! She took one more bite and replied "You're welcome mommy", quite like a grown up. This morning as I made a run for the bathroom in order to get sick (yes, again) she followed close behind me and sat next to me rubbing my back saying "It's ok mommy. It's ok."

After several weeks where I wanted to pull my hair out with frustration over the number of times I had to remind this little sweetheart that no, we do not hit/kick/pinch/bite/push anyone, I see some light at the end of the tunnel. The repetitious reminders of boundaries are starting to be heard, understood and obeyed. The concept of rewards for good behavior makes sense to her and seems to be much more effective than only negative consequences for bad behavior. We talk about actions and their associated feelings and the connection is beginning to form in her mind - slowly, but at least it's beginning.

As my emotions ebb and flow over the fact that our baby is no longer a baby any more, I am soaking up the little moments, each little success, each smile, cuddle and kiss.